Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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