I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
