awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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