ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
