mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
