someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
