I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
