He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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