im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
one two three fourrrrnication!
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
