dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
