yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
