and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
