Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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