Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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