How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
