Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
