I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
