Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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