Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
