The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
