If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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