my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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