Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
smell my finger.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
