brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
