It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
