And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
okay pat passed out under dana's car
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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