Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
