I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
