Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Help. Why am I so naked?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
