I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
