Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
