your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
