i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
