Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
