Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
