saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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