I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
