Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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