so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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