I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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