i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
