the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
