I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She tied me up with her honor cords...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
