if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
