what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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