some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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