Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
