I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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