I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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