I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
