so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
