Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
