soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
