god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
