Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
