ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Randomize
