You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
