I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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