we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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