im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
