all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
