my vag is so smooth its legendary
someone owes me an orgasm
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
