You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
No more Irish car bombs ever.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
