Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
