i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
