Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
