Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
