i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
