please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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