id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
