dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
