He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I understand Curling. That high.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
