You just made me feel so damn special
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
