It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
