Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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