I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
honey bunches of taint.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
