I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
