I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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